I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
