where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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