i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
