I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
