love makes seman taste better
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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