I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hippo gnu deer
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
