Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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