I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize