guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
