He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
