I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
