I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
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This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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