i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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