I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
