it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
