my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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