i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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