he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
