Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
