I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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