Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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