oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
