I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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