i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
