I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize