Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
