if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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