To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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