I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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