Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
