brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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