is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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