then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
