I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
