I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
