on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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