I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
