we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
