while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
