Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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