I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
