I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Im part way to drunk.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
