my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
