there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
