I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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