The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
