I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
