so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So. Much. Porn.
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