I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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