woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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