"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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