she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
