On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
