can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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