he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's the barista slut.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
