i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
