so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
