Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize