i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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