Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize