So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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