I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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