my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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