Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize