Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
did you just send me my own nude
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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