Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
