My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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