Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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